Well alot of things happened and I do not know what to do at times well I find that adults are selfish they do what they like and they wanted us to obey... I didn't want to oppose them I love them in fact but sometimes it makes me wonder whether do they love me understand me or even know me... I found my world my own world a new world that I'm going to explore which everyone have already did maybe there are some people haven't but I believed most does!!! I'm already 20 turning 21 and I wish to make decisions there are times i really wish to make it.... But adults thinks that my decision don't make sense but when I say "anything" u people get fed up with me!!! I don't know what I can do or don't!!!!! I believed I have trained myself very well to have not much emotions but 1 laugh just keep laughing smiling they will never find out how I feel even towards others I start to apply this rules haha!!!! Nobody know when I'm angry upset really happy sometimes I'm really angry but the emotion were hidden!!!! Sometimes I wanted to voice out but the courage wasn't big enough to break through and even I voiced out I believe nobody will even take notice of it.... In this family I'm not me I am just simply a portrait of who they want me to be... Obedient, doing house chores I suspect I came from philipines or Indonesia I felt like a maid instead of a daughter !! I prefer to stay at perry house even i do chores I do it on my own account... I'm not doing any bad things u know where I m u know who I'm with even I'm staying at his house so what!!! We are going to marry someday and I have decided and nothing is going to change so why r u all objecting me staying over u all don't miss me at all!!! U all don't miss me u all just fucking wanted me to do the chores seriously I have done enough for this house I do all chores since p6 I iron wash plates sweep mop floor... Till now... Then I rebel.. I rebel for a reason I think I have done enough and it is time to pass down I have 2 sister both in sec they r old enough to do some chores already could u all just give me a break?? I took care of them and I'm tired it is time to let them take care of wei wei too!!! 2 ppl take care of 1 last time I one ppl take care of 2 I think it is fair enough!!! Im going to graduate I seriously need time to do project but to u ppl I don't make sense even it is a lie have u ever think y he doesnt want to come the questions u asked the nosiness of the house we can't concentrate u don't scold wei wei it is always our fault always say ah Ma pamper ah gu isnt what u r doing right Now call pampering and leading him to a good life call spoilt brat?? I don't know afterall adults never wrong
i dreamt about you and me10:32 PM.
I understand what I should do n shouldn't but obviously I just get scolded for something I should have known and still do that really puzzle me a lot!!!! I bring my dog and my brother down just because I'm hungry and it's already 1 plus and I haven't ate a single thing!!!! But when I'm down it was not drizzling!!! I was thinking nobody at home so I bring him and dog down so it will save my trip down n up at the same time look after him well that was obviously wrong it's true that I shouldn't let him drenched but it was out of no choice but it seems like my brain is just not working well!!!! I should have bring an umbrella with me even it is bot raining!!!! I think is because he is not my son and I'm just a sister I truly don't know how to take care of a kid but I'm trying my best!!! But it was obviously not spotted by u adults that I'm just a 20 years old who don't have a kid right at the moment!!!! And do not know how to handle them!!!!! Last time I do think for others a lot but now I've changed and it's true that I'm like a monster a bitch now and I do not know how to turn back to who I m before!!!! Things have changed during the first broke up with that bastard I became wary of others n stopped being kind!!! Things gone worse when that bitch left me n accuse I left her instead!!!!! The new me went further when lg told me what to do!!!! And finally I realize after all this I think I've transformed into the old Huili haha.... It seems like I'm lost just do not know how or what to do anymore
i dreamt about you and me5:24 PM.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
deja vu
i dreamt about you and me10:02 PM.
My jealousy have increase too when u r looking at upskirt or grace or whoever it is I get jealous I really suspect that u n grace got something ...
Haha I don't feel like typing anymore
That day when u say if I'm like ur mum u told me to fuck off if I'm fat u will bring me to slimming centre I was hurt n speechless well hugging me n all doesn't heal me at all even I'm fat or ugly u chosen me I didn't force u to u made the choice n woo me u just simply can't throw me away like a used tissue I feel no security in this relationship it's like I've to worry about getting fat not as irritating as ur mum it feels like I've to change n u don't
That day when u say I don't know anything about u don't assume I thought I know u better than anyone it seems like I'm wrong to think that way
Jj ask me for blog link I dunno y he wants it because we r not close at all I said i will give it to u but I think through maybe it's Huili asked u to ask me so I actually ignore ur message
i dreamt about you and me1:05 AM.
Recently it's abit torturing been quarreling like there's no tomorrow he became so sensitive it's getting hard to communicate with him!!! It's like talk awhile chat awhile I end up being the one that is angry at all times lol.... Thursday night have this motivation or so call I insist watching a movie and it's already 9pm and we need to wake up at 5.30 tomorrow so it's kind of a no no situation but I wonder y I insist that day I was actually thinking since sat sun mon will be working so I really wanted to watch a movie with him and was thinking we've been quarreling maybe watch a movie will have some topic to talk about but in the end I was reprimanded for no common sense no time management I think I'm the only 1 managing or it's just me overreact??
That day my parents were asking whether m I going to marry him I said yes but after that I start to think about it!!! Will it come true?? Is it possible when it's at this point of time?? I dunno I have this feeling u r going to leave I'm just paranoid I just cant trust guys anymore after one lesson I get so worried if I fall in it will I be able to come out again... Maybe that is y u feel that I treat u bad I know I really love u I just don't want to show it out I dunno is it that I've change or is it u!!!! I just simply feel that u have changed so much I really dunno how to talk to u or even tell u ur words is so similar to that bastard that I cant believe I'm dating different guy!!!
It's like honeymoon period is over full moon don't always come after eating u don't feel that u r full!!!
U said u will bring me back home no matter what happen or how tired u r but today u ended ur work at 7 u did not come n fetch when I asked y u explain and said that u r tired n come here to bring me back home n go back n ask me do u get it!!! Do u get it this word is so unexpected I don't expect u to come if u r tired but what u say is just lie I guess it's just like him give me hope n crash it like I'm a black ant
i dreamt about you and me12:38 AM.
I had a dream about u n her we r in school when she upskirt u keep staring I felt uneasy but I refused to do anything in the dream... So I went to flirt with other guys u didn't even give a damn when ms tan said we r going for the hot spring I was worried but relieve after that even I felt jealous worried I decided to go I changed rooms I stayed in the guys room pushing u to her with my own hands u didn't even bother to reject I pushed u there was a test I pushed u there is to control myself for not saying something I will regret later when u walk away from me I decide to get a new one I avoid u I thought I manage to but when I look at u and start to stare into space I realize I really love u but all ur sweet talk were just lie What disappointing the most is the word I love u just doesn't make sense I question my self y do u leave me when u say u gonna be there!!!! Recently I've been having these type of dreams I wonder is the dream trying to tell me something
i dreamt about you and me4:51 AM.
Work at suntec next sat n sun with lao gong happy eat together stay at his house
woohhooo nice weekend got to say!!!
Holiday le gotta spend my 2 weeks at Jurong point thought it will be nice but turn out the girl is a slacker hai y m I always this unlucky hmm whatever... Today is the last day at Jurong point yippeee. Lao gong stay at my house because he work at causeway that guy sure have his brain build in the muscle with no doubt at all!!! Tmr lao gong will be at marina square doing setup and I will be having my off after that my schedule will all be in. A mess!!! I will be staying at lao gong for the next weeek hahahahh!!!
Saw jasmine at Jurong point she said one day meeet out I was like alright but my mind was like I won't go!!!
Some times I thought I could fool everyone but Emotions just eventually shown out...
It's so hard to pretend that u don't like someone but still have to smile to them actually tired but still must squeeze that little smile of mine!!
i dreamt about you and me12:54 AM.
It's been a long time since I post something hmm
on the 26th hmm let me think whether anything happened ok I don't remember anything hai what I remember is starting on the 4th of June
Ok on the 4th of June I am staying at lao gong's house due to work at Tampines hmm that day was my first day of work I was so excited they say I will be with a staff.... When I reach there I'm at ikea waiting they told me so but I wait n wait don't have so i call Bernard my in charge he told me to go the most cashier de so I went but i was lost all the way no idea where m I I go in cannot come out go toilet cannot find my way there then I keep asking people for help la haha walk a bit ask people haha!! Finally I got out of there waiting at cashier in the end it's at courts not ikea lol.... Reach courts le they say the staff didn't come because mc so I was like so happy :) cause they say she love to nag so I was quite nervous about it!!! My first day of work I think my sales is quite good la for the first day the another staff didn't teach me anything la she said look around yourself I was like ok compare to lao gong i think his is better hai!!!
So it was saturday le they say she will come but I late cause the shuttle bus a bit weird no timing notice de then I was like WTF when I reach she say next time leVe house earlier!! She told me the bus can go there 25 mins Nia!!! Then fuck up la I end work 9 she say do until 9.30...! She tell me to go inside on fri I was outside de!!! So I go in inside got king koop promoter sintex and friven they got 1 stupid rule which I never learn before the rule goes like that whereever the customer stand is the brand customer other brand promoter come consider cut sales then I was like WTF la like that others where got sales!!! Then I don't care just serve all customer if no promoter la!! Friven all the way consider cut by me..... I like the sintex auntie she is kind I like her!! Got customer say this is the service that all should have!!! Hehe so happy........:). But sad thing is I'm gonna work with that siao auntie again!!
On Sunday
which was the last day I'm gonna be there so happy she told me to go in I went in when she call me I didn't heard her she scream I was like WTF and that actually happen twice!!! She call me xiao Mei how I know la so many xiao Mei then I say I don't know she say u cannot recognize my voice I was like zzz. What kind of reason is that!!! Then at night wanna go have a drink get scolding again!!! Like fuck la!!!
i dreamt about you and me10:08 AM.
