MONDAY

haha tdy go find grandma scare she think too much after tat went to find bf (huili) haha eat with her subway... then go buy french fries i so full.... hai but still v nice hehe... leave at ard 5 rch home 6 i think if i din rmb wrongly haha... after tat night tim call cz ask him whether he gt call ma... he said yes n i said din saw his miss call coz tere is 2 n i saw one only which is te unknown de... haha he said "oooo first 1 more important la..." hmm make me think wrong way hmm is tis so call jealous ma?? haha think too much le hehe... well after tat cz said he chat with bf then say alot about me n him de stuff i curious call him tell me he said go ask her... then i call her afterwards we chat haha still revolve ard him... say until i have to let go.... well since te day i break with him till now guess gt 3 wks le ba... or more well think thru alot esp sat n sun take 963 home long enuf for me to think... my thinkin is te same as te song "我还想她" well its tim to let go le.... ytd msg him said tat i will contact him lesser le but if he need help can contact me... n if he gt gf i wont be finding him tat often le... haha say le feel better but dunu wrong or correct lei... my thinking is if he wif me so stress i might as well let him go i dun wan see him so stress lo... so haha.... its tim to let go le he is free no longer mine.... ytd chat wif him he said "cute gals r tat gal he take num frm eg like at te plaza sing tat 1" i was abit jealous but at tat moment i found out sumtin.... haha hu m i nw??? when i m his gf i dun haf te rights nw i m no longer his gf i dun haf te rights even more...


TUESDAY

haha... tdy grandma see her scream so loud so happi haha... ah ma power come back liao haha.... see her get over it i m so te happi..... haha.... wahaha..... hehe.... hmm.... so happi until dunu wat t type.... went to new shopping center wif my mum..... sembawang shopping center..... he call me at 2.10 hmmm then we chat haha.... wed go take pay then go countdown ba haha hope my mum dun nag hehe....

Q: if he noe me more he will nt like me animo....

tats wat i think haha

Ans:
bean: u r wrong if he noe u he may love u more ba...love is a thing tat u dun need to change de... te mo u b urself te mo beta it is.... wat dolphin said is correct lo... u should go forward and....

bean: nt thinkin of how to deal with tis 2 guys go for te 1 u love think so much oso no use exp it... whether he is ur type or nt at least u wun b like nw confusing urself

bean: and lastly tell ur pineapple tis tin... if he is nt jealous u noe la hor... if he is jealous u will noe u mean lots to him.... tis is to show him he mus cherish to show u does he love or play2 de!!

bean: ur ong lai mayb sad bt if he is nt te 1 y nt let te story end here than cont??? once it is long enuf no mo love le.... shen xia de zi shi tong qin he yi han zai jia shang shi jian...

bean: to clear ur doubts isnt tis wat u wan to noe?? jm is nw goin thru sumtin he nv gone thru b4 whether u r gf or fren he need ur support... as a fren or admire wateva moral support he need it

SATURDAY

hai tdy so sotong see wrong tim went out 1hr early coz too nervous new environment, frens, staff, promoter and products hai.... then went to find cz coz he stay near te wk place n i gt no where to go also went tere n brought breakfast for him... coz i know he will skip tat unless he v hungry so buy le he cnt say no ma.... but found out he nt at hm... hmmmm i think he went for chingay ba.... rch wk place 15mins earlier dunu wat to do so stiff.... but after a while there is this gal v cute at my wk place she keep dancing n greet customer... we talked n we went to haf lunch tgt so fast jiu talk le haha.... hmmm then at ard evening king came.... he saw me smsin dots.... =.= die liao... but he din scold me actually he quite gd then he chat with me etc... hmm then tats te end of te day... rch home on fri shocking news... grandma's sister passed away... coz normally 5 days under blk so tot of go n see her te last tim... but well mum say mon then go coz will be up to tue....

SUNDAY

well went to work almost late... haha 3 mo mins n i will be late hmmm... haha tdy sales v gd... so happy... te staff tere most of it chat le haha.... n one of te staff call me to go work on mon coz my sales quite gd haha.... so so so happi =)........ haha huili come find me... n we went to popular n buy clip n went to arcade... haha tou lan ji again haha..... hmmm after tat walk home wif her on te way buy french fries... eat n walk at te same tim haha.... rch home ard 11 plus... saw angie my pri 1 fren... hehe chat awhile n she ask me bout my bf i say break liao she say y everyone saw her n te next tim she saw us all break le.... hmmm curse ba.... nah jkjk.... went back home bath n on comp.... my uncle called me n said tdy is te end of te funeral.... hmmm i was so sad i cried when talkin to him but i guess he dunu ba... although te person is nt my dearest kin but i m really sorri for her.... everytim go see her when new yr tim she will gif us hongbao even though she dun haf much money left... she cook for us although not all gd stuff but she use her heart n soul to cook for us.... hmm talk to my uncle on the phone... n found out those child of hers is realli bitch n bastard lo.... she passed away le.... they make 3 days for ppl to viisit her.... i think nt even 3 days lo.... her photo is nt glossy photo paper lo... is photocopy out de... they din even setup properly n te thing is nt straight also.... ppl use cement or strong thing to seal up te coffin tey use scotch tape... wth lo... she save her money she did her best to serve her child she spent her lifetime to bring them up n this is wat she get wtf lo.... her husband passed away quite young so she haf to earn money to bring her 5 child up.... none of them bring her out to shopping n everyday she eat alone.... y do u all haf to treat her tis way tis is very cruel lo.... at least should gif her a 5days ma.... nt v grand is okay de.... at least let her go happily n knowing tat she din waste her life..... wat u all did is ridiculous lo totally... i pity her n i hate u all.... tis company sell coffin de ur service sux n wat u all did is no respect n no responsibility at te same tim i gt te name..... (ang yeu hock) NV NV NV GO TO THIS COMPANY THEY SUX.....

我和你
男和女
都逃不过爱情
谁愿意
有勇气
不顾一切付出真心

你说的
不只你
还包括我自己
该不该再继续
该不该有回应
让爱一步一步靠近

我对你有一点动心
却如此害怕看你的眼睛
有那么一点点动心
一点点迟疑
不敢相信我的情不自禁

我对你有一点动心
不知结果是悲伤还是喜
有那么一点点动心
一点点迟疑害怕爱过以后还要失去

难以抗拒 oh...人最怕就是动了情
虽然不想不看也不听
却陷入爱里

我和你
男和女
都逃不过爱情
谁愿意
有勇气
不顾一切付出真心

你说的
不只你
还包括我自己
该不该再继续
该不该有回应
让爱一步一步靠近

我对你有一点动心
却如此害怕看你的眼睛
有那么一点点动心
一点点迟疑
不敢相信我的情不自禁

我对你有一点动心
不知结果是悲伤还是喜
有那么一点点动心
一点点迟疑害怕爱过以后还要失去

难以抗拒 oh...人最怕就是动了情
虽然不想不看也不听
却陷入爱里

我和你
男和女
都逃不过爱情
也许应该放心让爱一步步靠近

There are times i wish you were by my side,
Sitting silently there,
Hoping that you will find me,
Waiting for you.
I need you so much but you wasn't there,
Silently i felt so upset,
And disappointed.
There are times that i think back,
Maybe its my fault,
For not telling you where i were,
But its ok.
I'will be waiting,
I've have been waiting since the day we lost each other,
But the more i wait the more you drift away.
But now i have accept the truth,
The truth is you wouldn't be by my side anymore.

TUESDAY

tdy come ah ma (grandma) hse haha... eat alot hai... eat mac then borrow some bks... from te library hehe... 4 bks haven read finish... =.=

WEDNESDAY

hmmm nw i rmb sumtin so angry argh.... hate my company... tey sux... tey transfer me out of imm best even change my brand.... argh.... curse tem... hope teir sales bcum worse... n hope it go bankrupt soon hmmm hate tem....

THURSDAY (merry christmas everyone=))

haha ytd was christmas went to vivo n take cable car with huili n fufen haha fufen take wrong train to kallang haha... we brought her a dog before meet huili i n my uncle went to converse warehouse sales to change stuff but we buy a lot of stuff he went to change te shoe he buy wrongly haha... we took 93 so long lo... wait so long hai... then take all te way to harbourfront he wait for me when huili he went back thanks haha... =) huili rch le haha... she wear skirt haha... so cute... hmmm we took alot of photos free then upload ba.... but inside de me nt nice haha... fufen wear dress.. she buy for me a wallet or purse so cute thanks... after tat we went to buy sweets for each other hahaa..... so many sweets hehe... love it thanks again.... haha... hmmm went to take cable car n ice land... haha so nice bt snow fake de... we take turns to at te queen seats... but huili didnt bcoz wear skirt sob sob....

FRIDAY

hmmm its tim to go home le so sad... dun feel like goin to work animo hai... lookin for a full tim job... hai saving for my sch fee.... hope anyone gt any job cn intro.... thanks....
yea my gpa 3.445 hehe so happi at first i tot i will get 3.0..... was shock i got so high..... thank god.... =)

tryin to forget him but hmmm dun tink i can but target was been made until he find a new gal i will still treat him as frens after tat we wont mit again n i wont let him come back to my life animo..... i will change my num totally lost contact with him... world is small but if tere wasnt fate we wont mit.... hope i cn fufil.... if let him go he wont feel stress i will haha... hope te decisions i made is correct jus like wat i did previously..... may god bless him n everyone haha

saw on someone blog n find it meaningful hmmm.....

We appear to be like very good friends,
We talk, laugh and joke.

But in deep of us,
We were making faces.

A face of devil,
A face of despise,
A face of hates,
A face of disappointed,
A face of fighting each other.

In the look,
We are together so happily.

But inside us,
We hate each other so much.

Hmmm so this is? What's the point of continuing?

FRIDAY

went to lavender wif huili to help out in te community club ba hai so sad te uncle nv come dunu wat happen hai.... actually te uncle v cute he is quite well educated coz te way he speak in english is quite fluent.... we took photo once when goin to kusu island!! we click on v well haha... i like him alot... hai so long nv see him liao tey r movin too... to blk 811 hope to go tere more often!! hmmm more events..... more more.... new faces new in charge as pc is sec yr le goin graduate cnt take over new guy v noisy n hao lian ba... he keep on criticise ppl... like singing ah... etc... always call ppl do tin but he down tere eatin dun really like him... !!!!


SAT AND SUN

haha so long nv update liao hmmm i alr broke up wif him 17 days le nv expect it will pass so fast haha... new blog skin hehe nice?? i did tried to put a nicer one bt te due to time nt enuf... so... haha but i will try to use tat te next tim if i haf more time... so sad last sat n sun huili nt working and we missed our daily routine coz she gt a sudden job haha... more pay but she skipped on sun... hmmm nw is my turn liao bt i nt so heng like her gt a better job!! my company sms me said client request wan change promoter so i mite nt b wkin tis sat n sun or even fri walou my pay gonna lost 150 bucks... hai then i cant do lots of tins liao so sad lo wth hope she can faster get me back to where i m.... mayb i never belong tere.... mayb tere was nv a place i belong to in te first place ba haha.... hmmm my luck tis days r nt so gd lo... izzit bcoz my angel had gone to ote places or she nv notice me?? i really wonder hope she can get back to me asap.... hai closer to family i suai closer t fren i quite lucky hmmm... mayb bcoz decisions made r different ba... tdy went to play basketball... so long nv play le so happy... hai..... tdy grandma come coz i told her to as i nt going elsewhere n nt working so she came... then went to take my sis nex yr new bks after tat goin home tim fufen sms me ask me wan go buy christmas present ma..... i said no coz grandma come ask her to come then me myself go out abit bad ah.... sori ah fufen... haha free movie tickets nt yet use.... hmm...


tis few days started to miss him n wanted to call him n find him but dun dare..... hmmm mp4 charger lost liao but actually left it at his hse tat day was like lookin all over te hse n cnt find so scare lo!! den tdy he called me tot wat happen so happy n answered.... was hoping he will say sumtin i have been longing to hear he said "notice nowadays u cnt charge ur mp4??" i said haha.... no wonder la.... took everything in his hse tat belong to me hoping tat tis way i wont haf to go his hse to get anitin back scare tat one day he haf gf liao hu is nt me it would be awkward goin back bt everytim go his hse always forgt alot of tin.... startin wif him scare too rely on him so restrict myself after awhile feel tat actually we might be tgt forever ba... so rely on him bt did te wrong choice nw whole body is wound le.... haf to go back to tat hse again to get back charger hope tis tim i wun leave anitin behind nt even memories....


if i can turn back te tim i will turn back to te tim i nv knew him fall in love wif him or even turn back to te day i was still in my mum body n she miscarriage n nv give birth to me... givin birth to me was a mistake a wrong in te first place she shouldnt have carry on.... tdy she asked me y i cnt b like otes do housework dun always go out cleverer talk to her entertain her??? cz told me he cnt tolerate my mum.... coz my mum like to disturb ppl n sum ppl dun like he is one of tem.... well i nv asked u to like her in te first place!! my mum is like tat she likes to be entertained n if u dun entertain her u will be called nt a gd child.... in her black list liao..... sumtim she wan me to entertain n i cnt do so she will say me changed actually i nv changed is u nv know me!!! wat she expect was nt suppose to be me i was an image or a puppet tat she wan me to be.... wat i really r is nt wat i suppose t be......

chinese:

舍不得丢弃,
因为那是你曾经喜欢过的东西,
舍不得忘记,
因为你给了我无尽欢语!
不给你电话,
只因怕给你压力!
我爱你,
一生都不会放弃!
总在祈祷,两年以后我会与你再次相聚!
只要你不为人妻,我会一直等着你!
即使有天你真离我而去,
我也会默默的，默默的祝福你......

english:

can't bear to give up,
is because it is something you really loved before.
can't forget you
is because we have lots of memories.
didn't give you a call,
is because scare to pressure you.
i love you,
and i won't give up.
praying and hoping that we will meet in two yrs time or later...
as long as you are not married or you do not have any gf or bf,
i will wait for you as long as i could...
even i know that you will leave me eventually
i will still quietly and silently give you my blessings...

我能原谅你所做的一切确无法忘记你对我所造成的伤害

saw huili's blog n felt tat singapore on a map is actually small like worms or germs lo... but when u actually live in it... it is big like hell lo.... tere is many places i haven go n visit hope someone will go wif me hai.... hu cares this someone is a he/she or someone i noe him last tim or nw wonder hu can go out 1 whole day but mus lead te way hai.... living in tis planet but noe nth hai useless...

wondering wat is in my brain!!! tis moment i rmb nex moment i forget hai... gugu brain... hmmm can i call imran or tom to go wif me?? i think tey noe te way lo... i wanted to go to places i nv go but dun wan shopping hai i really dun like always go shopping lo!! sometim go ok bt always go sibei sian de lo.... wait till i save lots of money i wan go take cable car go take ship go night safari go other island in singapore go play those thing i nv play before like an adventure in singapore only haha act as if tat was te last day of my life.... wonder hu so free haha... dreams nv come true if nt where gt dreams liao!!!

tdy go product trainin hai.... waste tim lo but i do learn alot of stuff la...

FRIDAY

we celebrate my two sis bdae haha early bdae hehe.... we brought 2 cake so each person have one!!! haha... it was a boring day lo nth to do n all small kids so sian te chocolate cake is so nice but too sweet cnt take it!! hai...

SATURDAY

work from 10 to 6 time pass so fast haha... we went to cardi bdae party at pasir ris again.... we meet has cz jj and zai hao.... tere were 6 of us include me n huili... haha... i gif wrong info make everyone wait sori sori... hmmm after tat we rch pasir ris went to buy present!! we brought chivas for him.... hmmm 90++ divide le each person 12 bucks... we went to take 403 on te way we saw alot ppl cosplay naruto so nice lo all v cute!!! esp in te show tere is tis pink colour hair de... te real life 1 look alike lo... v cute haha... when we rch tere we saw yh shawn n yan so we all head towards pit 49.. even more ppl haha lester lim n bear rch liao oso.... cardi dyed his hair n he takin photo wif his frens.... well its kindda borin coz he keep tc of his fren instead of us but he oso busy la bt still will jealous de haha... hmmm chocolate cake again scary.... we took photo of our class ppl when we were bout t go tey say marvin comin so we wait lo wait so long until i so tired i dunu hw tey noe i n him break de but hai i dun wan to care animo lo... hmmm tis stupid zhen yuan make me v angry lo until ppl tot y i bcum so fierce!!! he v cum de lo... call him first word scold me cb... wth sure i v angry ma... still say i ps walou when i say wan wait for u liao... i jus call u to cum coz song zhi say de ma... walou make me damn angry.... hmmm hang up te phone liao he still sms wth sms me say gt gal num i said i only noe 1 of tem... he tis f... fren say i lie if i noe 1 of tem i go for wat wth mus i noe all of tem he gt his fren ma... sumo i dunu tem hw t take?? gal take gal de so weird lo... so suai again lo by te tim we wan go we rch te int liao last train go liao wth then te cab so long... but huili let us go first so we rch hm quite fast thanks... i cz n has take a cab.. yh himself take 1.. huili jj zai hao take one... we stop at wdl int frm tere still gt last train so cz go take.... hmmmm 11.23 last train at pasir ris rmb hai so suai...


SUNDAY

wk from 1 to 9 hehe... back to normal wow tdy sales v gd hehe... sales rep come scary... after wk chat wif huili as usual.. haha play psp hehe... coz papa nv take wahaha... hmmm oya my shoe de ribbon drop le sob.. hmmm we chat until she n mei liang xin me n zhen yuan.... at bus think thru at first thinkin of accept him coz wan t make him subsitute bt i think i m wrong.. close my eyes first person think of cz so i told him sori he still call me go stay overnight at his hse drink martel wa siao sia..... then he say jus jokin wif me only walou make me like a fool like that nv die b4 ah.... haha... play wif huili psp tat tim suddenly a cat pass thru us in te middle wa scare us like hell lo.... break so many tim dot dot....


MONDAY

went out wif luo coz she wan go library... while walkin we chat haha... she said jm told her tat he like her le haha... i guess they have too much fate liao lo.... hehe... hope they will be tgt..... if cn i dun mind sharin... haha gimme some fate ba... hmmm went to sweettalk buy strawberry juice nt bad la.... bt still prefer te one in bishan ite.... haha.... we walk from 4th floor to b1 at 2nd or 3rd i saw tis tigger v cute so i buy wanted to gif it to bf..... gt bell bell de te bell v nice hehe.... hope she like it!!! hmmm after tat went to his hse to get te xp cd hai.... help him n his sis to buy food... he v weird lo.... keep huggin me no more gf liao still hug me!!! hai nex tim mus nt go his hse liao!!! te sis still think we r tgt!! hai gif her te wrong idea!!! startin frm nex week i will haf to wk fri to sun so sad more money but fri will be dead.... so sian...

ytd went to k class chalet well nt whole class were tere so haha... but saw tem was thinkin will our class be like tat but i guess all v close will come only ba jus like tem.... haha...

before meeting huili i went to his hse coz too early liao haha... he was slpin n before tat in te lift i chat wif luo!!! haha jm came back maybe tis is wat we call fate ba... sec sch tey met after 2 years time tey mit again haha... n nw i guess he will accept her worx!! she has a bf wat she worry is hw to tell te bf!! dots dots... luo go for wat u waitin for dun regret or else u will hate urself de... u wait for 6 years le n ur heart nv change!!! wat r u still thinkin of... maybe wat u did is wrong ur bf is nt a toy for u t throw or keep bt things r like tat... humans r selfish u dun think for urself nw ltr on when u break wif te current guy u might nt have chance to go for him le,..... he is goin japan isnt it?? hai do wat u like while u still cn... haha continue....

he dun wan me go for te chalet!! bt i left him my character is like tat once i agree wif someone else i wont break promise unless he or she cn make me stay wif valid reasons.... for him he gt no more reasons to make me stay le!!! he is nt my bf anymore so haha.... i make huili wait for me so long lo so sori.... i noe te feeling of being ps so i will try nt to do so.... huili haha we r so close liao i wont do anitin to hurt u de!!! haha... i hope i cn do to everyone also....

once u let me go u haf to prepare for te consequences bt for te time being i will wait for u de no worries!!!

hmmm ys ask me hw me n him le i said break he said oh... i said u will make me lose concentration de he said sorry i said i will forgive u de.... haha... i jk only la dun take it to heart!!!

haha i m back morning alot of tin to do haven finish my stories lo haha....

we wanted to go escape de in te end rain hai so we went to S05 to meet tem.... when we go out tere is 4 of tem.... tey playin mahjong so we sat down n watch tem play tey v funi lo.... haha i keep laughin but dun really get wat r tey playin so wanted to go walk ard.... in te end it is rainin so have to stay haha... then after awhile me n huili went to ehub to walk walk.... so we buy alot of food to eat haha... suddenly feel te urge of eating buy alot but in te end i cnt finish... then we brought milk tea i buy pearl de she buy milk tea only.. it was v nice lo haha... te pearl also taste v gd... it cost 1.30 each even cheaper than sweet talk n nicer too haha... shop name call cup walker if i m nt wrong... then we went upstair to arcade we play racing car n tou lan ji.... haha in te end v bored le went back but everyone is like preparing to slp le... dot dot... =.= but we stayed inside haha yl n huili let us c alot of free show thanks haha.... in te end one by one left te rm n we chat lo... chat until quite long de decide to go down so went down c ys start te fire then ard 9 plus ba i n huili become maria liao haha... we cook prawn n satay n alot haha so fun lo...

huili shoe strap drop out cnt fix le haha... c her walk until like tat wan gif her my shoe she dun wan lo... hai then yl gif his slipper to her haha... so sweet... hehe if tey were couple na kai you duo hao haha..... we took 354 to int n wanted to take train but we missed te last train so sad sob..... we took cab it cost us 21 dollar lucky nt v xxx if nt die.... coz forgt my mum took te 20 dollar inside my wallet if nt my expenses for ytd will be enuf haha....

hmmm tmr is cardi bdae once again we need to go to pasir ris again haha....

oya cz nv go....

haha te end...

泪水将我淹没到底谁该难过
究竟是谁放掉这段感情

我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我才终于明白办不到的承诺
就成了枷锁
现实中幸福永远缺货

请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎横了心
说真心谎话别告诉她

我还想她恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答

我不爱我不痛我不懂
我的心早已掏空
真心话言不由衷

请告诉她我不爱她
笑着难过自我惩罚
想终止这一切挣扎
横了心说真心谎话

别告诉她我还想她
恨总比爱容易放下
当泪水堵住了胸口
就让沉默代替所有回答
别告诉她我还想她

就让沉默代替所有回答

chinese:

还是不知道自己开不开心，真的不知道。。

突然觉得自己有点像稻草人，没有属于自己的快乐不快乐，只是每天保持一样的姿态去面对生活中的一切。笑=)。。。。。这似乎成了我生活中的全部，没有丝毫的情绪。。。有时真的很羡慕别人，可以很放肆的哭出来，可我却怎么都做不到，因为不知道从什么时候开始，我只记得要笑，却忘记了怎样哭，怎样掉眼泪。。值到最近。。。还记得上次哭是什么时候吗？

因为有了期待生活才有意义

有些事情总是不从人愿
想象的总是过于美好
其实哪有什么事情可以简简单单
那样就不叫生活了
生活把我们搞得乱七八糟
不敢面对，也不敢逃避
夹在中间的我们左右为难
不过还好有命中注定
所以 现在的我在等待
因为 我相信命中注定

english:

still dunu whether m i really happy or not really dunu

Suddenly felt like im a scarecrow,
does not haf happiness wich belongs to them
just a day to maintain the same attitude to face the life of all. Laugh =). . . . .

This seems to have become all of my life, no emotions. . .
Sometimes really envy others,
can jus cry out when tey feel like to, but i cant.

don know start from when, I only remember how to laugh and forgotten how to cry,
keep protecting the outer cover of me... not letting anyone noe whether i m angry sad or hapi...
till recently can u all still rmb when did u cried??


Some things dont always go along people's wishes.
Imaginations always too good to be compared to facts.
In fact, how can anything be so simple if nt it wont be called living
We make a mess of our lifes neither Do we dare to face it nor escape from it.
Caught in the middle of our misfortune and stories.
Fortunately, however there are predestined
So now I am waiting for it as I believe in fate.

我曾经以为爱很简单只需要付出就可以了
i thought love can be so simple as long as i did my part can liao

love is not a favour or present.... what u give is nt wat u get so i nv expect anitin from u... jus hope tat wat i gif is nt wasted wat i gif is worth to keep or worth it...

我怕失去也害怕拥有
im scare of owning and scare of losing it...

love wil only exist when tere is fate

i m jus like a pet place in a home in my owner's heart am i a priceless treasure or jus a normal pet tat when he/she need someone to accompany wif or even doesnt exist in te first place??

on te 11 march 2008 where te story begin end in 5 dec 2008.... love u always=)


ytd gt work as it was public holiday after go chat wif huili we chat until 11 plus den i saw cheng zhang after awhile she shoo me faster go home!! haha i tink she wanted him to saw me n chase after me ba... bt in te end i was te one chase after him.... at first in my mind if 173 come first i will take with him n i will wait for him till he wan to patch back... silly me to let te bus decide... haha n 173 really come first instead of 963 so by te tim i wanted to go tere te bus go liao so i walk to te int... haha hope tat if i manage to catch up bt still cnt so asked him where is he to see whether we gt te fate ma.... in te end he called me say send me back when he send me until wdl i keep callin him to go.... te urge of cryin came back.... hai in te train we talked etc but te feeling is like we r still couple lo he will still punch my face n stomach... fake one.. i dunu frens will do tis or nt bt i noe tis is so different.... i rch home after sms huili i sms him coz i still v blur still v confuse!!! te truth is tat we break or tis is jus a tim for him to think thru i hope to get te ans i forced him to gif me te ans by 1st jan 2009 but he dun wan so i stop forcing wat does it mean by give up on tis love??? does it mean break up no chances of patching or break up thinkin thru might have chances asked him this n he call me to be normal i m normal if tere is no chances dun say tings like if i wan patch cn i come back.... i cn wait for u to think if u call me to wait i cn try to forget u if u call me to go... but when u call me to go where i was bout to let go u came back.... wats te meaning of tis??? as long as u tell me u dun love me tere is no chance of patching i will let go but i think my heart will still have u.... i love u so i choose not to force u bt te more i wont get te ans te more i wan to noe.... at first i tot as long as he is happy i m happy now te thinkin is still tere but te fear is tere oso i m scare of owning things as i scare of losing things.... it was nv easy to maintain hope u will say love me one day.....

if u rmb startin u told me nt to let go easily i tried all my best not to let go n nw u r te 1 hu is goin to let go everything u say only lo..... whether u r a gd man or nt its nt all up for u t decide!!! my mum asked me y i din ask him y he wan break off or is it me nt a gd gf.... i actually scare of te ans bt i noe i did my best so i wont ask y.... u r minimising ur pain maximising my pain.... u say u scare of get hurt i nv hurt u tis much lo.... y do all guys haf to do tis to me i really dun get it lo.... y do all guys i met all like tis??? is tere really no gd man le???

a wound will heal by tim a scar will nt heal n eventually left a experience i dun tink my heart cn take anymore of tis lo.... i at work borrow penknife tryin to cut my finger bt it is nt sharp enuf lo... wasted....

ytd as usual chat wif huili haha say bout te past.... haha now huili is my boyfriend.... haha... we gt ring de horx... not bluff bluff de haha.... we say alot say until out ex n life before we meet... haha so many so many.... when going home tim was thinkin wan go wait for him suddenly heard someone told me he is nt my bf anymore so i saw 963 chase after it haha.... actually was my mind so nt ga ga or wat la haha..... den rch home le nt long zhen yuan asked me whether wan come out chat den i oso ps him many tim le so jus go only lo.... lol i ask him alot of tins bout him n his gf in te end i asked him gt any gd guy t intro haha he say if i dun mind him lo.... i think i still need tim to heal my pain tats wat i said... haha i brought coloured contact lens.... 4 colour haha maxi grey maxi purple maxi brown maxi black.... haha..... ytd tried te grey v scary lo bt v nice haha....

everyone said being love is fortunate to love is miserable i dun tink so lo being loved and to love to me is all miserable lo.... maybe i dunu hw to love ba haha... so tired to even think ytd 2 plus den slp... hai.... 8 plus wake up my slpin tim is gettin lesser n lesser le... although i have a hell lot of tim to slp bt i dun wan te more i get to slp te more tin flash back....

stomach gt problem lo.... te appetie is back bt my mouth refuse to open n eat.... i see te food i dun feel like eating lo.... hai... dun wat te hell is wrong wif me anyway hu cares haha... i oso dun care le....

tdy went to wk well feeling restless i wait for customer until te tear almost drop lucky haven haha.... sumtim without me noticing i will look at hp alot of tim sumtim c time sumtim c whether gt sms or miss call keep lookin n lookin until when its tim t go home so hapi bt i dun feel like goin home!! i m scare to go into te room where tere is space for me to cry i need sum1 t b infront of me haha... bt nvm la cry oso gd.... ytd bite my hand until gt mark bt i dun feel te pain when go wk tim gt abit mark den gone le waste tim hai....

ytd cry until so tired go slp my mum saw me keep asking y i dunu hw to explain jus say we nt suit each other!!! she told my father! dad say alot of sarcastic words i dunu is comforting or wat bt it sound so hurtful.... dad ask if he say patch wat will i do i know he wanted te ans t b no coz he dun wan me to b treat like a rubbish or soft toy when he wan he take back dun wan throw away.... bt i hope he will say patch coz i already decide long ago after sh... problem i promise myself i wont let him feel sad i will bear all te pain i will protect him i will love him i wont run away wif other guys i didnt force myself to do it i do it willingly so haha.... was so naive tot tat i will be wif him forever.... i guess his dad should be quite happy ba.... my parents was shock y i didnt cry!! i did cried bt is without anyone ever since pri 6 i told myself nt t cry infront of anyone.... te incident is my dog left me it was meant t b a bdae present at tat tim te dog is my only fren!!! i nv talk since sec 1.... pri 5 & 6 i talk to dog... haha... 4 yrs nv talk le sumtim i talk i really scare i will hurt ppl sec was been bully until jialat jialat rmb once someone put dragonfly on my head i scare until like hell v angry wanted to scold tem bt tere was no voice i cnt do anitin rmb tere was someone protect me bt turn out was a lie!!! she jus wan me to help her borrow this n tat in te end she didnt return i dun haf her num she quit school haha....

till sec 3 i get t noe luo n qi n rehana n sutina n ranu n bin han n alex n gabriel n alex lau n randy they were all frm nex class due to their results come t a better class which is my class more gals le haha dunu they talk to me or i talk to them i noe in my heart tere is a feeling tey wun b like te rest i more close to luo as we always joke bt tat tim i always tell qi frens n frens stuff i tink she dunu ba as i nv tell her.. all tis are feelings only.. i didnt really go thru tat lot.... happy memories is on pri 1 to 4 when i n my few best frens were in same class... go pri 5 le tcher keep scoldin me as i nv resist.... stupid, idiolt go home also same nt much different mum also like tat scold me... haha so startin i dun wan to talk slowly dun feel like talkin n then i dunu how to talk... haha... books were been thrown n torn tables were always so dirty etc i nv cry.... so i assume i wun cry again le... after tis i went to work a job tis yr she v unreasonable on te day she scold me until like i m useless like tat... i v angry i go off... my dad come fetch me i cried out of a sudden de... tey all scared coz tey nv see me cry b4 ever since pri 6.... she went to complain until te in charge dun wan work le..... haha...

hope tat i dun cry animore morning wake up first tin is cry haha.... i dun feel like slpin le as long as i close my eyes mind always flash back wat happened.... until te tears will drop even jus staring in te air te tear will come out also playing viwawa also will cry listen song watever i do will also but after leaving tis rm u will c me laughin coz mummy in.... i force myself to laugh until i v tired le... he saw me cried tats te first tim i cry infront of ppl he purposely make me cry.... i cry until i cnt stop ytd dun dare to take transport!!! scare i cry so i keep taking cab...... haha... hope he will say patch i will be waitin

rmb sumtin on sat night when i decide to chat wif huili bt den her bf come!! so cnt... hai den was like lookin for fren t chat wif go thru te contact list found out i gt alot of nums bt te only ppl tat i cn talk wif is only huili n zhen yuan hai last tim tere was shawn but he gt gf liao cnt disturb him hai.... in te end huili nt free zy oso nt free so i went home....

sob sob so sad...................................................

tdy went to revise wif huili at je library haha we eat alot of tin until i v full... haha den went t her blk play psp dj max 3.. before going out my parents asked me wat do i tink of my bf i said nth lo jus normal tey asked tis Q wich make me curious n scared.... well i m aiming for poly n he will be attending ns soon nex yr april.... tey said will he accept a gal better in studies than him i dunu leh i really dun coz i dun mind even he do nt have much money nw even he is broke even he is bankrupt even he is a beggar i will still love him lo.... wat we earn is wat we will share i will nt compare i dun mind if he tell otes te money i earn is his salary i really dun mind... mayb its his pride bt i dun tink it is worth to lay tis ting on our relationship money is important bt it is nt to compare... my mum still ask whether i love him or nt... i said dunu coz i really dunu ma... she say i have to change my thinkin n te way i ans Q... hmmm wat is wrong?? i love him la tats of coz if nt y stead bt i sumtim also hate him lo.... maybe 因为爱而恨 ba.. sumtim i even suspect!! whether 是习惯还是喜欢!!! bt i noe te ans will still be 喜欢 hai dunu wats tere t confuse when i noe te conclusion.... argh still v ANGRY......

i might have te cert bt i do not have something he may have like i dunu hw t cook he noe i dunu hw t play basketball he noe mayb tat is nt important bt i believe tere is sure sumtin tat he can do i cnt i can he cnt.....

hope i m nt wrong... hmmmm

well tdy nv go find him coz still v angry.... hmmm i tink i will do sumtin nex tim if te gal tag along i will follow first then run n hide at mean time go home myself liao.... i tink he will b angry bt hu cares... he dun care oso ma....

so many ppl in tis world 偏偏喜欢你 wth lo....

thinkin of proj always see tcher gif sarcastic comments n te comments wasnt gd started t worry bout it...

come t think of it mr vincent v scary lo

te way he talk n his proudness is like one ppl = ten ppl

hai... wat past is past haha

ytd i m so angry lo fuckin angry lo as usual chatting with huili bt tdy nt tat late so i sat under her blk to wait for my bf till times up while waitin te cat came again haha.... ard 11pm i gt a feeling tat he will be goin back home wif his fren... so i sms him whether is it true or i anyhw de... he ask me for wat so i said jus askin la he still ask then i say if u goin wif ur fren i go first if u didnt i wait he told me does it matter i said no but it does lo which fuckin bitch will accept tat somemore he like her before lo.... wth lo... i work until 9 pm last tim usually i will rch tere 9 plus so i everytim wait alone until 11 plus he wanted to walk with te gal i didnt noe at tat tim so we walk lo.... i noe te gal feel weird tey jus leave me behind n both of tem walk tgt firstly our topic nt same secondly i dunu her lo tere is nth i cn talk t her de so i call zhen yuan i agree t meet him after tat hang up te gal walk different way so end up left te 2 of us although i nv say anitin bt i told myself one more tim i dun wan go meet him liao lo.... i cn go home early de lo bt i wait for him which fuckin idiolt will be like me??? he still call me go play psp.... in te end i say i go home first le... i use run de jus hopin tat i nv wait for him ytd!!! now i figure out sumtin huili maybe is not really wan t talk t me although we did talk alot la.... bt i still think she is because pity me ba.... at least at tat hr i have her so i wun b bored.... thanks =)


rch my hse tere ard 12am so i went t meet zhen yuan n we chat he keep usin phone lo before tat i ask him similar Q tat happened t me he said he will give no face n get angry liao... at ard 12.45 he send me home den until i more ANGRY..... my mum asked me whether i wan use comp ma so i said yes... after bathe she said wait so i go watch vcd lo half way my bro wake up n she go make him slp again so i tot will b awhile den i continue watch v long lo so i went t play liao la.... waste electricity sia... i tot is standby mode coz shake mouse nth happen ma nw i press te button it shut down then she watch de show no more lo how i noe sia she came n scold me lo... so i jus walk off la... when she's done i sat down n play den she keep nagging she said u wan play hw long i say as long as i cn tahan la y?? den i tell her tat i wan go library tmr den she keep on naggin as in like u so late slp where gt enuf like wan pyscho me go slp i ignore her she still say bout study wa i du lan say i dun wan play liao.... ending she still say jie wei lo... nt i dun wan let u play its for ur own gd... dun wan let me play at te first place u ask for wat ta ma ma de wtf lo i have been slpin early for nitez until i dun feel slpy lo everyday nt her den my dad la.... itz been dayzzzzzz i nv touch comp liao lo nw i mus wake up early den i cn play argh DAMN FUCKIN ANGRY...

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liars
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earn more money
get into same sch course n class with huili n others
GET GOOD GPA
TRAVEL AROUND
a new phone>
fren n family wil be happy always gd health at te same tim
NO RESTRICTions allowed
learn PIANO, GUITAR, DRUM and COOKING
3 pointers
wif my puppy always...
SLIM down to 58 kg
get gd grades in h.nitec

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